It's That Time of Year Again . . .

Arbor day? Memorial day? Labor day? Nope, nope, nope. It's Boris's birthday! Tomorrow. But I have the tendancy to forget stuff. My age, my phone number, my name. . . . So it's best for me to do stuff when I'm thinking about it. So Happy (early) birthday, dude! But, here's the thing. Pretty much everything I know about what goes on in Boris's life now is what I read off his blog. Said blog is advertised in the upper right hand corner. Since, it would be really boring to write a blog about a blog, I shall dedicate a completely random blog to Boris. Kinda like dedicating a book to someone. Except less cool and less impressive. But he did read my sci-fi novel, so if I ever do get something published, he probably should get aknowledgement. But until that lovely day when fluffy bunnies fill the sky and no babies cry, I shall have to do my best. And I apologize to Boris in advance for the short paragraphs. I know how much he dislikes those.

All right, now, what I would like to talk about is job applications. Yes, for all us fine starving artists there is the wonderful opportunity of menial labor! That's the American way. But what does it take to preform these coveted sweatshop summer jobs? Not just a car and a registered license (though those are helpful) but also skill and motivation. Drive. Leadership. I want you to look yourself in the eye (using a mirror) and ask yourself "Can I make the best taco?" "Can I scoop the best ice cream?" "Do I have professional former co-workers who can recommend my dazzling ability at the cash register?" "Is working for this company/fast-food resturant/hole in the wall the most IMPORTANT thing in my life?" You better answer yes to these questions. They are looking for the cream of the crop on these applications. Take for instance:

"What was your greatest achievement in life?" For a fast food restaurant. Gee. I don't know if writing a novel can really measure up to serving prople high-calorie, over-priced meals. I must be on the wrong career path! This application has just changed my LIFE!

Or the more innoculous sounding but just as stupid. "What do you feel you bring to the company?" Let's see. I think I bring another person asking for a paycheck!

As well as the always fun "Desired wage?" A billion dollars? It seems what they really want to say is "Can you guess how much we're willing to pay?" Is mind-reading on their list of requierments? They should just put down what they're willing to pay and leave it at that!

Then there's the tiny little boxes asking for your former employer's name/business/title/complete address/phone/maiden name/pet's name/favorite color.

As for interviews, those are bad too. If you say something wrong, I don't understand why they can't just lean over and say quietly, "I'm sorry. That was the wrong answer," and leave it at that!

There's nothing more exhasting than pretending like you care. Perhaps that's why I've never been hired. The problem isn't that I don't care. Plenty of people don't care about their jobs. No. The problem is that there is a secret government conspiracy that is all about giving me absurd summer job applications for their sheer sadistic glee. @_@

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BORIS! (Can you tell I couldn't figure out how to make a title for an individual blog?)


Well, if this blog works the way I think it does then you've already read the description. Of course, that assumes you work the way I think you do and read stuff. This also assumes there is a "you" reading this at all. Anyway, as the description says, this is a Happy Birthday message to Boris. So he may be the only one to ever read this. I dunno. That's all up to him. If all the deep, dark secrets I reveal about him aren't too much . . . just kidding. Really, if I knew that much about Boris I'd be able to get him a far better birthday present than just making him a blog. I mean, I know Boris is a nice guy because he took me to prom since the rest of my friends aren't the prom-going type. I know he's good at video games cause he thomped me at every single competitive game at our Gameworks afterprom. :P He even beat me at the board game we played at after-afterprom! (of course, I think a lot of people beat me at that.) :| I also knows he plays chess really well too, but I wasn't about to challenge him to a chess game. He plays the saxophone, he writes blogs, he plays computer games. . . .

But none of these things helped me think of a present to get Boris because he's apparently not allowed to have video games. (A problem he's going to remedy by becoming an evil truck driver. :|) He's already got a saxophone and a chess set. And I know nothing about computer games because I'm more of a video game person.

Anyway, if you know Boris (or happen to BE Boris), then you know his birthday is the 15th. So why am I writing a Happy Birthday message now? In such a modern world of fast-paced interaction surely I could--walk the few blocks to his house and wish him a happy birthday. Well, that would probably be cool except for a few things. The first being that I'm going on a college orientation the 14th-15th and THEN I leave for California THE VERY NEXT DAY and I stay there until July 16th! Wheeeeee. . . . The other reason is, as I said before, I couldn't think of anything to get Boris for his birthday. Normally I make people cards because I lack this sort of originality. I also lack the ability to make much of anything else. :P But the best card idea I could come up with was a card that resembled a blog. Then I thought, why not just make a blog?

So, Happy Birthday Boris! :) Hope you have a cool birthday with lots of presents cooler than a blog that says "Happy Birthday!"