Utterly Devoted? The Psychology of Love

La Belle Dame Sans Merci - By JW Waterhouse
Literally translates as The Beautiful Woman Without Mercy,
Belle dame can also mean witch.
All of this relates pretty well to my rant.

While listening to a book review podcast they mentioned a character telling his love "Everything I do, I do for you." Other than being cliché, this sentiment gives me the heebie jeebies. If anyone said that to me I would probably be like "OMG! You need to get a life!" Okay, maybe it sounds harsh but hear me out. I'm not saying it isn't noble to put someone else before yourself. But if your life is so centered around one person that everything you do is for them, then what happened to your personality? Who were you before you met this person? Don't you have any desires of your own? When you can't fulfill this one person's every need, do you just sit in a corner and stare?

I think love should be about a partnership. To be in an equal partnership, you both have to have to be your own separate person. I don't want a slave (well, maybe sometimes I do, but I wouldn't marry one). I want to be able to have vibrant and dynamic conversations. I want someone who can disagree with me, who has thoughts and opinions of their own. You can't have that if you define yourself entirely through another person.

This is probably why I have a low opinion of so many romances, from Romeo and Juliet to most contemporary fare. I do like romance, but I think the type of mentality that goes into a lot of these romantic stories is disturbing and unhealthy.